Finding Grace Read online

  “What! You want me to just—”

  “Paul, I really don’t think—”

  Dagger’s careless shrug didn’t fool anyone. “Of course not, Katherine, and who could blame you? Besides, everyone in the place would think I had you at gunpoint or some other duress.”

  “Oh, Jack, I didn’t mean to imply—”

  “Of course not. You’re too much of a lady. But I don’t need a mirror to understand why people, especially women…Hell, before Grace I’d mostly been paying…oh, shit. I’m sorry.”

  Katherine blushed a deep crimson and Dagger wiped his hand over his face.

  Paul wondered briefly if he’d become an artist because right now, even through one good and one twitching eye, he was getting a perfect picture of what things looked like when they went to hell in a handbasket. He laid his last card down.

  “Look, Dagger, I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with Joe. As Katherine said earlier, I didn’t even know you had a brother. But it’s clear there’s a serious communication problem between you two. You want to go look for Thorne and let me talk to him. Trust me on this.”

  Dagger tilted his head and stared straight at him. Paul felt that look to his bones. “Fine, but don’t think I don’t know you’re both holding out on me. If I hadn’t already wasted so much time…” He looked at this watch. “Too much time. She could be anywhere by now, thanks to you, Joe.” He sighed. “You go ahead and do whatever you want to him, Paul. But don’t let him leave. I’m not done with him yet. Luke, can I get some assistance? Cover the airports, train and bus stations?”

  “You know I can’t do that, Dagger. Not if she left of her own free will.”

  “Farley?”

  “Uh-uh, not me. What Lieutenant Rigby said. This is between you and Thorne, even if I wasn’t pissed at you for scaring her off.”

  Dagger turned and walked out without another word. They heard the big door slam and felt the old building shudder.

  With forced brightness, Katherine said, “Well, I’m going to call Trent, tell him the good news about William’s murderer being behind bars and see if he has any idea where Grace might have gone.”

  Paul closed the door behind her and turned on Joe, his voice low. “Thorne showed you her scars, didn’t she?”

  Farley said, “Those? Mills told me about them. They don’t sound so bad. It’s thinking how she got them that makes you wanna break heads.”

  “Not that bad? This Mills must have a stronger stomach than I do,” Joe said, after making a face.

  “That’s what I thought.” Paul sat down at his desk and pulled up the files on his computer. He was so mad his hands were shaking. He couldn’t recall that ever happening before.

  Luke looked over his shoulder and said, “Um, Paul, are you going to show him what I think you are? I don’t like him much, either, but do you really think he deserves that?”

  “If anyone in this room does, he does. It’s either that or having Dagger pissed at me because there won’t be anything left of his brother’s ass for him to kick. Farley, you should leave now.”

  “Well, how come Lieutenant Rigby has seen these files and I haven’t?” Farley asked.

  One of his best men also happened to be the nosiest one alive.

  Luke said, “I’m the one who sent them to him. And I’m not sure he’s forgiven me yet.”

  “Listen here, now—think of me what you want, but my brother was right. He’s entitled to know everything there is to know about this girl. It was one thing for me to hold out on him. He doesn’t trust me and I can live with that. But you’re supposed to be his friend, Paul.”

  He sent up a quick prayer for just one more ounce of patience. “I am, Joe. And if you care about him at all, you won’t tell him what you read and see here. Farley, stay if you want to, but don’t blame me for the nightmares.”

  “You too?” asked Luke.

  Paul nodded silently.

  He gave Joe and Farley a few minutes to skim the doctor’s reports.

  Joe didn’t say anything, but Farley turned away. “Enough already. Christ, Paul. So that’s what Darmfelder was up to when he smoked that cigarette. Even bigger asshole than I thought. We gotta come up with more shit for him. And if those animals weren’t already dead…I gotta go, I dunno, break something.” He left the room in a hurry.

  Joe ran out a minute later asking where the bathroom was. But he came back and finished reading the doctor’s reports. Then he closed his eyes. “Farley said they’re dead? How?”

  “Probably Thorne,” Paul said, watching him.

  “So she’s a killer, too?” He shook his head. “Not that I blame her, but does Jack know? She’s got to be as damaged on the inside as she is on the outside. The experts did say she’d never recover. I mean, what kind of person only has one chair in her entire apartment, Paul, even if my closet is bigger than that place?”

  Paul hadn’t realized he’d even moved when he looked over to see the chair upside down, Joe sprawled on the floor and his knee on Joe’s throat. He wasn’t sure if it was for Thorne or for Dagger or for himself, but this son of a bitch was going to see the goddamn light if it was the last thing he saw in this life.

  “Is that really what you’re taking from this, Joe? You just don’t get it, do you? The entire team at Blackridge, every one of whom has killed at least once, plus Luke and the Seattle PD put together, don’t come close to Dagger’s count. He wasn’t a sniper like I was either, Joe. He didn’t get to do it from a hundred yards. He did it up close and personal.”

  Joe was coughing, his voice a mere wheeze. “Are you trying to tell me that my little brother was some kind of…?”

  “What do you think he did for the ATF and NSA? Did you really believe whole rings of arms dealers just disappeared off the face of the earth, or in accidents like it said on the news? Do you want to talk about damaged? What do you think it does to a man when he spends months infiltrating, befriending, then betraying and finally killing men by the dozens, over and over again? The stink of that much of that kind of death doesn’t wash off, Joe. People can smell it, even if they can’t identify it. Did you notice that your brother can silence a room just by walking into it? It’s worse when he walks in alone, which he usually is. Oh, and Joe? You know what kind of a person only has one chair in their apartment? A person who’s always been alone. At least Jack had you.”

  Paul stood and watched Joe slowly sit up, still on the floor.

  “God.” Joe pulled his manicured lawyer’s hands to his face, as though they could protect him from the truth. “I didn’t know. I mean, I knew he worked for the ATF and then the NSA, but…We haven’t really talked in years. Maybe we never did. I made a lot of mistakes…I was young, too young, when I started looking after him. I only knew what I’d learned from my old man—how to beat on people smaller than me. I’ve tried to reach out now and then, you know. Seeing him for the first time in almost fifteen years…Well, I guess I was afraid to admit that he scares me—and not just because he’s grown so damn huge—and…I tried to just keep playing the old role of big brother.” He was talking fast, almost sobbing.

  Paul had forgotten Luke was even in the room until he cleared his throat and said, “Dagger scares everybody, except Paul.”

  “And Thorne,” Paul reminded them.

  “And she’s gone. She left because of the way I looked at her after she showed me those scars on her back. You can’t imagine. The photos don’t even come close. She’s much smaller in person and they’re…Then she said my eyes are like Jack’s, and she’d rather go back to the animals that did it to her than see in his eyes what she saw in mine. It didn’t register then, I didn’t know…or why her voice sounded like it does, or believe her about not going to bars…Jesus, to think she can stand to let a man touch her after that…and my poor bastard brother Jack is in love with her…Oh God, Paul, if he doesn’t find her, he’s never going to forgive me, and I won’t either.” Joe really was crying now.

  Paul almost
felt sorry for him. “It doesn’t sound like it was really your fault, Joe, much as Dagger would like to blame you. True, you poked the bear, both of them—hell, all of ’em—but it’s really not your circus. My advice to you, Joe, is to pick up a damn shovel, clean up whatever shit you can and learn how to shut your fucking mouth while you still have all of your teeth and can breathe through your nose.”

  Chapter Twenty

  “Shit, that went well. She’s long gone and now I owe Luke, too.”

  Dagger pulled out one of the chairs around the table in the big office where Paul and Joe and Farley were sitting and straddled it. “Jefferson said she brought him breakfast and said good-bye around eight-thirty. But it was already ten by the time I found him. I ruled out the airport and train station. She’d need ID for those. Since she doesn’t drive, that left the bus station.”

  “And lemme guess,” Farley said, “Nobody could ID her from your description: Five foot nothing, non-specific gender, wearing a coat, hat, and sunglasses…” He shook his head gloomily.

  “Worse, they wouldn’t even talk to me. And when I tried to lean on them, I guess I might have been a little intense because next thing I know I’m in fucking jail. If Luke hadn’t been in his office, I still would be.”

  “What’d he say?” Paul could just about imagine how that conversation had gone, but he wanted Dagger to repeat it, to make sure it sunk in this time.

  “The bastard told me…he told me to get a grip.” Dagger winced and looked at the wall. “Jesus.” He took a deep breath. “So what did you get out of Joe?”

  “I’m sitting right here, Jack.”

  “Even if Paul did scrape some of the smug off you, I’d still rather kill you than talk to you,” he said without looking at Joe. “So, Paul?”

  Paul had been debating how much information to share. “You know how she feels about pity, right?”

  Dagger nodded. “We straightened all that out.” At least they had to his satisfaction.

  “Ah, Dagger, I don’t mean to pry, but you haven’t seen Thorne naked in, um, daylight, have you?”

  “No, I haven’t. Not that it’s anybody’s goddamn business. She feels safer in the dark and she’s got a thing about those manacle scars.” Dagger’s eyes narrowed. “Is that what you she showed you, Joe, a few scars? Is that your big thing? Something else to hold against her? You asshole, did you make her feel bad about them?”

  Joe paled. “I didn’t mean…She said I have your eyes…Manacle scars? No, they were…oh God…”

  “It’s not his fault, Dagger, as much as you want it to be. And it’s not yours either. Thorne’s just afraid that…” Paul felt like someone was pulling his teeth.

  Several computers chimed the you’ve-got-mail tone simultaneously. Farley got up from the table and went to one of the desks. “Hey, it’s from Thorne.”

  “Quick, track it,” Dagger said on his way to another desk.

  Paul heard Joe breath a sigh of relief that echoed his own. Saved by the bell.

  “She sent it to everyone, including Luke and Trent.” Dagger sagged in his chair and turned away from the monitor.

  “Guess I’ll just read it to you all, then,” Paul said, moving to the third desk.

  Dear Everyone Who Matters,

  I’m not any better at this interpersonal shit in writing than I am when I’m talking. But it turns out that I couldn’t just leave and not say anything. I don’t have any more time or patience to keep writing and deleting. So, if you’ll continue to bear with me this one last time, I’d really appreciate it.

  First, I want to thank all of you for everything: Luke, for believing in me, Paul for trusting me and taking me in, and all of you for making me feel like I belonged—even you, Mills. I’ve never felt that before and I don’t expect I will again. You’ll never know how much it meant to me, or how sorry I am that I couldn’t handle it.

  It comes down to this, and if you can forgive the semi-metaphor, maybe you can forgive the rest, too :-)—Mills, just follow along as best you can—I learned early how to hide my scars (a hint for Mills: flaws, weaknesses, fears). I kept them hidden and avoided mirrors. As long as I never really needed anyone, there was no risk of them being revealed. I was pretty good at hiding them too, even before. And I got really good at it after. I guess having literal scars to work with helped, too.

  But then came that night at The Plaza. Then came Jack. Then came the damned needing and the fucking mirrors right along with it. I tried to close my eyes, as much as I tried to close yours, Jack. But in the end, I had to know how I’d look if you really saw me. The reflection I saw in the mirror of Joe’s eyes—so much like yours—was too much. Be glad you never had to see it. Go ahead, ask Joe if you don’t believe me.

  Oh, and while I’m waxing wise, take it easy on him, Jack. I’ve given you my best and look how bad it sucks. I know it sucked bad with Joe, but it was probably his best, too.

  Always,

  Thorne

  P.S. Mills, if you don’t get it, ask Farley. He’s deeper than he pretends to be.

  P.P.S. Sorry for blowing your cover, Farley, but that’s what you get for all of those lewd little comments and thinking I didn’t hear them.

  “Smartass.” Farley pecked away at the keyboard for another minute. “Shit. I tried, but Thorne, I ain’t. It’s coming from an internet café. No surprise there. She bounced it around, but I think it’s somewhere in Portland.”

  “She’s like a cracked mirror herself.” Joe was sitting quietly, resting his chin on his knuckles.

  “What do you mean by that?” Dagger started to rise from the table.

  “Relax, Jack. I just mean that she has so many faces. When I met her, I thought she was a bimbo. Later, she sounded like an intellectual sometimes. I thought she was acting, especially when at the club she handled herself with all the grit of a girl from the streets. This morning, like now, she all was deep and poetic. And then I learn she’s a computer whiz Ph.D. and a hobby psychic.”

  “They’re all her. She’s more like this diamond, Joe.” Dagger was playing with the ring. “And you left off ‘smartass.’” The corners of his lips almost turned up.

  “I thought Farley covered that.” Joe’s smile was just a little more visible.

  “Well, there’s no way I’m going to find her if she doesn’t want to be found. The only people or places she has any connection to are here.” Dagger’s tone was emotionless, matter-of-fact.

  “That reminds me, Katherine said that Trent wasn’t surprised she ran away, but he had no idea where she might have gone. It also reminds me of something else. I think you all could use some cheering up. Maybe it would be a good time to open—I’ll be right back.”

  Paul came back from his office with two envelopes. “Open these. Everyone in the company gets one, and they are all for the same amount.” He passed one to Dagger and another to Farley.

  Envelopes tore; Farley whistled and Dagger frowned.

  Joe looked cautiously over Dagger’s shoulder. “Hey bro, you didn’t tell me you guys were doing this well. That’s one hell of a bonus check. Sure there’s no mistake with the zeroes? Too bad Grace missed this.”

  Paul said, “Yes it is. Especially since it’s purely the fruits of her labor, in both design and compensation negotiations with General Ross. This is for the rights on three of her patents, designs for two of which she wrote before she even joined us. She insisted on sharing it with the whole team.”

  “Say Paul, how many employees do you have?” Joe licked his lips.

  “Everyone besides Thorne is a private contractor. She insisted on being an employee so that her work would belong to the company. But I think what you’re really asking is how many of these checks I wrote, and that would be sixteen.”

  Joe calculated quickly and let out a whistle. “You might have said something, Jack.”

  Dagger shrugged and laid the check down. “I didn’t know. I leave the business end to Paul. Grace hinted something about this once, but she just br
ushed me off when I tried to find out more. She doesn’t care about money. That’s why I knew she didn’t take the ring.”

  Paul crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “No, she doesn’t. I think the only reason she let me recruit her is because she liked Dagger. Ever try negotiating with someone who doesn’t give a shit about money, Joe?”

  “No offense intended, but I’m still not convinced someone like that even exists. I mean, Jack, if you really believed she wasn’t into the green, why’d you indenture yourself for life to buy her that ring?”

  “Well, plenty taken, dumbass. Even Mills could have figured that out. Farley did. She’s mine, goddamnit. I was just making sure every sonofabitch with half an eye and a dick knew it.” He glanced at Paul before finding a spot on the wall to stare at. “Katherine had it right too. I had to show her I was serious, how fucking much I…I’ve never actually said the words—not when she could hear…The loan wasn’t shit. I had a pretty decent nest egg. The only thing I ever spent any real money on was getting the caddy restored, and that wasn’t even bad.”

  “Well, it looks to me like there’s enough here for that Ferrari you had your eye on.” Joe nudged him.

  Dagger just shrugged. “I’d only think of her when I drove it. About the last night I had with her—how beautiful she looked, how happy she seemed to be.” He stood up. “I’m just gonna go home. It’s not like I’m going to get any work done, anyway. You, uh, want to come with, Joe, or what? I need to stop at the liquor store on the way.”

  “That depends. Is my life still in danger?” Paul thought he looked like he was only half-kidding.

  “Nah, Grace was right. You suck, but you’re still my brother.”

  “I don’t think that’s exactly what she said,” Joe commented dryly.

  “Close enough.” Looking around the room, he said, “Call me if you hear anything or get any ideas.” Then he shrugged on his jacket and walked out of the office without looking back.